Accidental Procrastination | Things I didn’t mean to think about when I should’ve been working.

5 Things I Wish I Could Do But Probably Never Will

April 13, 2007

Secretly buy CNN.com, replace overnight all news with satire articles, see what networks are reporting them the next morning.
Gain 200 pounds, lose it in a month, get paid to walk on the beach for a “results not typical” commercial.
Make a sequel to a movie that never existed, just to see who would watch it anyway.
Watch M. Night Shyamalan’s “Signs” sometime in the middle of the night while outside in a cornfield.
Write a book that ends, “The night stifled all those present, a black velvet cloaking the sky concealing any hint of natural light that might otherwise have shown itself. A single figure stepped out of the darkness and approached the edge, peering over for but a moment. With a flying leap, he cleared the weathered railing and plummeted toward the dark mass that was the Bering Sea below. For a brief, terrifying, ‘Oh shit’ moment the thought passed through his mind that this was probably not the most resourceful approach, but his author saw the amazing trilogy potential and just couldn’t stay away.”