5 Things I Wish I Could Do But Probably Never Will

  1. Secretly buy CNN.com, replace overnight all news with satire articles, see what networks are reporting them the next morning.
  2. Gain 200 pounds, lose it in a month, get paid to walk on the beach for a “results not typical” commercial.
  3. Make a sequel to a movie that never existed, just to see who would watch it anyway.
  4. Watch M. Night Shyamalan’s “Signs” sometime in the middle of the night while outside in a cornfield.
  5. Write a book that ends, “The night stifled all those present, a black velvet cloaking the sky concealing any hint of natural light that might otherwise have shown itself. A single figure stepped out of the darkness and approached the edge, peering over for but a moment. With a flying leap, he cleared the weathered railing and plummeted toward the dark mass that was the Bering Sea below. For a brief, terrifying, ‘Oh shit’ moment the thought passed through his mind that this was probably not the most resourceful approach, but his author saw the amazing trilogy potential and just couldn’t stay away.”

15 thoughts on “5 Things I Wish I Could Do But Probably Never Will”

  1. 1. Bowl in zero gravity. On national Television.

    2. Place ad in paper reading “WANTED: Small child for hard labor. Willing to pay up to $100. Call 555-7483. ”

    3. On a cruise in warm, tropical waters, yell “ICEBERG!” and see how many people run over.

    4. Sneak into a funeral home. Don a cape, white face paint, and fake sharp teeth. Find an empty coffin, crawl in, and wait.

    5. Stand in line at the DMV, and when you get to the front, inform the worker to have a nice day. Get back in line. When you reach the front, laugh about how you forgot to do what you were supposed to do. When the person asks what you need, look at them blankly, tell them to have a nice day, and get back in line. Repeat as desired.

  2. Make a sequel to a movie that never existed, just to see who would watch it anyway.

    I like that one.

    1. When someone asks me if I am having a good day, say with a sad face “No, I’m having a terrible day…my husband and my cat died today…I’m really going to miss my cat.”

    (I only have one because I couldn’t think of any others)

  3. 5. Stand in line at the DMV, and when you get to the front, inform the worker to have a nice day. Get back in line. When you reach the front, laugh about how you forgot to do what you were supposed to do. When the person asks what you need, look at them blankly, tell them to have a nice day, and get back in line. Repeat as desired.

    If this ever moves onto your, “Things I Probably Shouldn’t Do But Will Anyway” list (and don’t lie to me, I know you have one), make sure to tell me…This is one of those things that needs to be archived on YouTube.

  4. Wow. You guys are very… different.

    Btw, I got 6th place in Junior foil (the top classification), and 6th in Novice foil (the second to the top classification).

  5. Yeah, then lets watch, “The Village,” in a dark, creepy forest. At dusk. With some pipes hanging from a tree nearby.

  6. Yeah, then lets watch, “The Village,” in a dark, creepy forest. At dusk. With some pipes hanging from a tree nearby.

    You do this, and I’ll be there.

  7. 1.) Get a job at starbucks and purposfully get the orders wrong, just to see how many people would take it, without seeing what it was first.

    2.) Walk up to some random person and say, “Hey! How are you? Haven’t seen you since kindergarden! So, do you still hve that ceramic handprint?”

    3.) Create a book about my life, and randomly throw in parts of other books.

    4.) Throw waterballoons filled with chocolate sauce at random people to see what they’d do.

    (5. create a reality t.v. called American Idiots where contestants sing and people call in to vote for their favori….oh wait that’s already been done)

    5.)Create a show called, “great hair” or “all jean, all the time” (can you think of anyone to be the star of those?)(lol)

  8. HAHA – Gain 200 pounds, lose it in a month, get paid to walk on the beach for a “results not typical” commercial.

    They claim that type of advertising still works, just shows how many people can still be mislead!

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