The Global Warming Solution

TIME says global warming is destroying us, and Al Gore wants you to believe it. Your icecaps are melting, your ozone’s vaporising, and your winter wonderland’s retiring. I didn’t read the TIME article and I didn’t watch Gore’s movie–but they’ve got the snappy titles, and that’s all anybody reads anyway.

None of that matters though, because I have the solution.

That’s right, I can solve your global warming disputes, your hot-button issues, your sizzling problems. I can cool down your planet, keep your atmosphere free, and save your icecaps. I can restrain your greenhouse gases, halt your CO2, and hold back the rising waters.

All I had to do is think for a second. What is supposed to cause global warming? CO2, carbon dioxide. What’s the biggest apparent supplier of carbon dioxide? Breathing.

After I had that figured out, the solution came as naturally as Al Gore and acting. We take all the stupid people, put ’em in a room, and tell them not to breathe.

Problem solved.

Now, some of you are going to be sending me hate mail because you don’t believe in global warming or perhaps you think Earth could use a little warming up. But that’s cool, because this will solve all your other problems, too.

The only thing left is deciding who gets cast into the room. I say we make it a reality show, and I vote for Al Gore.

20 thoughts on “The Global Warming Solution”

  1. Don’t freely give reason for his ego to grow bigger than it already is. Gosh.

    Other than that, I think your solution is quite good. Although I say we put a few more far-left liberals in that room with AG.

  2. Freely? That was totally and completely earned–I just saved your guys’ planet for crying out loud.

    Other than that, I think your solution is quite good. Although I say we put a few more far-left liberals in that room with AG.

    I dunno…do that too much and you might as well throw away the TV. Then what would I do with my life?

  3. I was talking about

    Is that the way you wish to treat your savior?

    anyway, yeah, I proly would kill you if you did that… okay, I take them back. And a few others. But most can go ahead and go into that little room, thank you.

  4. First time posting here. πŸ˜€

    I don’t get the political mess that you’ve thrown yourselves into but it’s got to stop – shit, politics in Australia is so grey you can’t distinguish party lines!

    As well as stopping breathing we need to stop farting – hate to drop into toilet humour – but methane emissions make CO2 look like a two-month old potato chip from McDonald’s; innocent.

    btw, I’ve always wanted to surf to work.

  5. Hey, this way you’ll kill two birds with one stone – no global warming AND no stupid people!

    Michael – cows farting actually account for much more methana than humans farting. Just sayin’. πŸ˜€

    ~M~

  6. Michael – cows farting actually account for much more methana than humans farting. Just sayin’. πŸ˜€

    Which is why there will be several vegetarians and PETA members in that room.

  7. Instead of just putting the people in the room and telling them not to breathe, why don’t we remove that option altogether by removing the oxygen from the room and using it elsewhere to dilute the amount of methane/CO2 in the air?

    And this way, if we really want to make it a reality show, we can rip off the name “Survivor” and give it much, MORE more literal meaning. πŸ˜€

    ~M~

  8. That’s so funny you mention it! I came to the same solution as you!

    I’m in the process of making a short film about this very deranged guy that goes on a killing spree to save Earth from Global Warming. I actually calculated the amount of CO2 each person emits just by breathing… and it was not a lot in comparison to other things… so you’d have to kill like the entire population of the United States to make a significant difference in 50 years… but anyway, it really DOES work if you calculate not only how much CO2 they emit from breathing but the pollution they emit from driving, heating their homes… hot water, etc etc etc.

    Anyway… it’s a fantastic idea — for a movie… haha. A bit immoral in reality (or some people would think so).

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