Easy, High-Pay Jobs
January 23, 2007Anybody can be a stunt man…but it takes a special person to be a stunt man more than once.
“What do you do?”
“I’m a stunt man.”
“Oh really, you can do stunts?”
“…One.”
The Insanities of One’s Mind
January 6, 2007From looking at the stats for this blog, I can tell a lot about the types of people who come across it, mostly shown through the search engine referrals I find. The kinds of insights these can lead to are quite astounding, so what you’ll now be experiencing is a journey into the minds of those who search Google for stupid things, and find what they’re looking for–me.
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procrastination poem — Now, I will admit, I don’t have any procrastination poems here, until now. In order to please this
bizarreinteresting person, here’s a little haiku:Procrastination
Eats up your time, just like this
Amazing haiku. - dilbert i will use google before I ask dumb questions — This guy’s problem is he forgot the last bit. It should’ve been, “dilbert i will use google before I ask dumb questions, except when I click on a result and the guy blogs about my dumb question.”
- consider them rubbish sermon — Yeah, most are.
- i’m always mean when you’re mean: a blog — That’s a fairly good description.
- procrastination just means I am thinking about it — Wow. I am impressed. This guy probably does not only know how to procrastinate, but I’ll bet he knows how to procrastinate procrastinating, too.
- rotten execution — As long as this isn’t referring to my writing, then sure, whatever.
- accidental bitch — You too, moron.
The Global Warming Solution
January 3, 2007TIME says global warming is destroying us, and Al Gore wants you to believe it. Your icecaps are melting, your ozone’s vaporising, and your winter wonderland’s retiring. I didn’t read the TIME article and I didn’t watch Gore’s movie–but they’ve got the snappy titles, and that’s all anybody reads anyway.
None of that matters though, because I have the solution.
That’s right, I can solve your global warming disputes, your hot-button issues, your sizzling problems. I can cool down your planet, keep your atmosphere free, and save your icecaps. I can restrain your greenhouse gases, halt your CO2, and hold back the rising waters.
All I had to do is think for a second. What is supposed to cause global warming? CO2, carbon dioxide. What’s the biggest apparent supplier of carbon dioxide? Breathing.
After I had that figured out, the solution came as naturally as Al Gore and acting. We take all the stupid people, put ‘em in a room, and tell them not to breathe.
Problem solved.
Now, some of you are going to be sending me hate mail because you don’t believe in global warming or perhaps you think Earth could use a little warming up. But that’s cool, because this will solve all your other problems, too.
The only thing left is deciding who gets cast into the room. I say we make it a reality show, and I vote for Al Gore.