With Liberty and Tolerance For All

Today’s tolerance is fashionable and considerate, the mark of a truly educated person. Being fashionable, considerate, and educated myself, I believe in tolerance to the highest degree.

America, Land of the Free and Home of the Brave, has given me a wonderful example of what tolerance looks like. As we relentlessly tell everyone everywhere, America is a deeply tolerant country. Our citizens have the freedom to burn the American flag because we tolerate all of us who stand against us. We fought a hard battle to remove the 10 Commandments from court rooms because we must be tolerant towards those of us who are offended by fools.

That’s how we keep our country so tolerant. It works extraordinarily well, and no true, educated American would dare offend another person or organization–our lawyers make sure of that. Those jackasses are too into their religion to take the 10 Commandments down? Throw ’em in the slammer. That’s tolerance for you.

Our foreign policy lacks tolerance, however. If tolerance is truly all it’s cracked up to be (and they tell me it is), then surely that’s the answer to all of our problems.

We just need to be more tolerant of terrorists.

Surely that would solve things. After all, it’s what any educated person would do. We simply must realize that Al Qaeda just wants Heaven too, and North Korea…Well, who knows.

Besides, I haven’t seen good fireworks in quite some time.

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