Sports for the Al Qaeda World

It’s obvious that the Muslim extremists hate us, you needn’t to tell me that. What I want to know, though, is why.

Is it just because we’re Americans? Couldn’t be. How could somebody hate a country that has hamburgers, baseball, and more nukes than you can imagine? It’s impossible.

Or could it be because there are so many Christians in America? I say no. Think about it from a terrorist’s perspective: If your whole point in killing people is so that you can get to Heaven and have a chance at those 72 virgins, wouldn’t it be smarter to kill people who are more likely to turn terrorist? Better chances for yourself that way.

I think the real reason they’re always so angry is because of the lack of radical Islamic sports. They just need a creative path to channel all of that hatred to. If we can give them a way to blow off all that steam in a safe-for-us manner, they’d be much happier.

Baseball isn’t going to do it, they’re too smart for that. Where’s the violence?

Boxing’s no good–no uniforms. Everybody knows that Al Qaeda loves uniforms.

So, I think they need their own special sport–it could even be something like a reality show. Here’s one option that I can think of:

Scary video contest. Much like our American Idol, contestants would go for months without taking a shower or shaving, then would stand in front of blank walls holding AK47s and say scary things. You get extra points if you’re already dead by the time the video is shown, and Osama Bin Laden would judge. The loser gets shot (what good is a sport without a little bit of risk, I say). The only problem with this one is that if you’re dead before the video is shown and you loose, they can’t really shoot you.

Any other ideas?

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